No, you're not missing anything, and you are correct that word choice is pretty vitally important. I was just having a whinge about how limited our vocabulary is when it comes to writing about sex, which as you have probably figured out by now is one of my favorite pastimes exceeded only by talking about it and of course doing it. I also find so much of erotic or pornographic writing to be fairly pedestrian and highly repetitive. In my 20s a girlfriend and I used to read the letters to Penthouse magazine and for fun try to guess which ones were written by a man posing as a woman. There's a couple of writers on this site that I think are suspect in that regard. As an experiment I put two stories on Quora, one real (The New Orleans party) and one a fantasy involving having three women on a sleeper train and asked readers to guess which one was real. Most chose the train story which was more graphic and didn't include any extraneous detail. I assumed that details that had nothing to do with sex such as American Jane throwing up in the street would have been a clear giveaway that the story was real and not just fantasy. Go figure.