Ok. I don't know if this article is meant only as humour or has some serious side to it but after some consideration I'm going to disclose how I once faked an orgasm and why. I was 24 years old and had just been dumped by my girlfriend of 18 months for one of our classmates. About ten days after being given the heave ho, I went around to her place to collect some of my things and she asked my advice about how to deal with a sexual dysfunction that her new boyfriend was having. I gave her some advice on the subject which, trust me, is above and beyond the call of duty. (He wasn't cumming by the way. I put it down to tension or nerves as he had had to promise to marry her to get her to break up with me and so I assumed he had possibly overpromised and was not relaxed with her, but whatever).

As a result of this interchange I was left feeling pretty miserable. I went to see another classmate of ours and she had two women from another college in her room. After talking for awhile I got a strong vibe from one of them that she wanted me and ended up taking her back to my room. I was depressed and was thinking that fate was a funny thing, first handing me misery from my ex and then more or less immediately turning around and putting this other woman into my bed to alleviate and assuage the pain that had just been inflicted on me. However, it was an awkward atmosphere as we sat on my bed together and the young woman at one point said something along the lines of ' It seems like even the walls in this room are waiting for something to happen'. It was not subtle and I thought, ok, ok, I get the message, just get on with it, so we had sex. After a further bit of time she wanted it again. So, whereas there had initially been an element of physical intimacy and pleasure for me in dealing with my grief it now became basically me just servicing her. So during the second time I thought, and this is the only time in my life that I have ever had this thought, 'I don't want to be doing this.' So, I faked an orgasm. There's no way she could have known as I had ejaculated in her the first time. This was the 70s so nobody was hyper about condoms. The morning was even more awkward. She said, 'What's my name?' 'It's Sarah.' 'My last name?' 'Uhhh.' 'It's Brown!'

She was the thirteenth woman that I had had sex with so something was bound to go wrong, right?